Monday, 18 August 2014
A strange fear grips me these days. It's related to relationships, commitments. And then it takes me to such a point where I start finding cons in all my relationships. Basically I start acting timid.
When people ditch each other, abandon each other, it grips me and frightens me. If anybody asks me what is my secret fear, it is about getting abandoned by someone I trust. I fear the emotional baggage that comes with relationships! Being a cheerful girl, I fear of a trauma that might push me underground.
Everyone fears from being rejected or left alone. And why not! After being hurt in a past relationship, exploring a new one is simply uncertain and apprehensive. While moving ahead towards a relationship, it is the fear that holds us back from trying to pursue anything new, be it intimacy, change, commitment or abandonment.
What we don't realise is that the increasing fear prevents us from experiencing the pleasures and stability of a genuine relationship. We all recognise the slightly giddy feeling when someone special comes along. Will he stay? Or leave me?
When a relationship does not work, people often lose faith over the concepts of love, togetherness, and compromise. Trusting anyone after a bad experience naturally becomes difficult.
Every individual these days wants to secure his/her personal interests and well-being before thinking of others. I fear my personal freedom being snatched away by someone dominating! Sometimes, I feel committing to a relationship, is like inviting trouble without any reason and giving an opportunity for the other person to interfere in my way of living. Although I want to love and be loved, I also fear both.
Sometimes, past or someone else's experiences program us to associate loving and being loved with unpleasant experiences and especially with feelings of vulnerability. Commitment phobia heals when you become strong enough to be true to yourself, even in the face of another's anger, rejection, or loss.
I fear the unknown. Bad on my part, being a romance writer! This is one thing, I still need to overcome and build faith in the powers of the universe and most importantly, myself! I think everyone has that one anxiety, one secret fear, a self delusion. What's yours?