Saturday, 14 March 2015
11th September, 2014. My daughter was born. The most memorable day of my life.
As I regained consciousness, the nurse brought her to me. She couldn't speak, just the usual crying that newborns do. But as I held her, she gripped one of my fingers with her tiny hand, tightly.
Probably, a lot of people would feel that this is an ordinary moment of joy of being a parent. But this day was more than that for me. My life got a sense of purpose that day.
Perhaps the day was mixed with joy and fear. I named her Ashika - she was my 'hope', my reason to #lookup to life! It was the first day of the rest of my life. I too was born with her.
That was the day I figured out my plan for life. 'Being a single mother wasn't going to be easy,' I pondered. I was overwhelmed, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't unsure - unsure of her future, the questions people would put up to her, about her daddy.
This day was a milestone in my life. The time I spent with her taught me a lot. It gave me the strength and motivation I needed to go on with optimism, and look up to life with a new hope.
Mine was an abusive marriage. Raghav would beat me up. The day I took a stand against him, he divorced me. Just a month later, I realised I was pregnant. That didn't melt Raghav's heart. He didn't even care about it. He shattered my 'Cinderella syndrome'. Initially, I was heartbroken, why it had to be me? A hopeless romantic has this end to her marriage. I developed self doubts. Why me? My family was my backbone in the difficult time.
When I first held Ashika - I got the courage to give her a good life. Ashika completes me. She can hardly understand even when I cry as I put her to sleep, but whenever I cry, she starts crying with me too. That's how maybe daughters are! Hence, I have started staying happy for her. We are #together since then, each other's strength.
I feel bad as she doesn't have someone to call a 'father' to. But at the same time, I try my best to cover up for a father figure. Maybe one day, maybe, I'll have to answer all her 'why's', 'how's' and 'when's'. Bit I'm ready for it, not ashamed.
Society is cold to a single mother. The absence of a man in the house sometimes haunts me. But they make you strong when they abandon you, isn't it?
Ashika is so special to me. My marriage did me no good, except her birth. Lucky is the woman, whose first child is a daughter. The map of my happy future is hidden in the crease of Ashika's smile!
Sometimes not the advice people give, but a company is all you need. Ashika's company although she can barely understand my pain - is a blessing! That's the power of being #together. Wordless conversations with her that mean the world to me!
A positive attitude is everything. If you don't indulge in bouts of self-pity and depression, you can handle single parenting. Never turn back to bad things, something good always comes out of it. You were simply not put through the storm for nothing.