Tuesday, 29 December 2015
What As A Girl I Wanted; What As A Woman I Want
I am utilizing my mini vacation to the fullest by almost posting daily now. Because I am pretty sure, my blogging activities will be active only on the weekends soon. The struggle is real and being a professor is not easy. Hours will be spent in preparing for the lectures to deliver and blogging will unfortunately take a backseat.
Just today, I finished reading, 'Reflections of a Man' by Mr. Amari Soul. And so my post today will revolve around it.
This book gives me hope. Since it is majorly written about men by a man. Also, it made me differentiate between - What as a girl I wanted when I was a teenager and what today as a woman I want from a man. I have decided to do 2 posts on this. Another post will describe what I learnt from the book, which I would like to propagate so that people have healthier relationships; because the world I see today saddens me.
As a teenage girl, we all have a cliché idea of what we look for in a boy - good looks, maybe rich, handsome, good sense of humor, etc, etc.
As a woman, now I realize most of these take a backseat when 'reality' strikes. These aren't really the things you want from a 'man'. I am listing down a few things I feel we as women should look for in a man, inspired by 'Reflections of a Man' ~
1. Money is nothing. His time is everything. Watch out if he is willing to come to you when you're ill or his friends still hold an important place for him than you. Magic is found in presence, not absence! Love is everything, because I can finance myself. I do not need your money, dear man. Financial and physical attributes are not a priority for a woman, my emotional needs from you are what you should be capable of catering to!
2. As a woman, I want that if a man promises me that he will do something on a particular day that will profoundly impact our future together, he should stick by it and not give priority to any other work. A man who cannot keep his promises today, will mostly follow that pattern after marriage too.
3. I should not feel the need to tell him, "I miss the old you." People stop taking efforts and doing lovely things they initially did, once the relationship gets older.
4. A man whose heart is bigger than his ego. Because Mr. Amari Soul says, "What is more fragile than a woman's heart? A man's ego." Tell him the truth, he gets hurt and then my dearies! You are gone! He will not for a moment, reflect on the truth you have just spoken. Some men just get almost handicapped if you hurt their ego by speaking the right thing; and they are so talented, they make you feel guilty for it too.
5. A man who doesn't let too much time pass without knowing what's on my mind.
6. A man who can communicate! And not just shut up when he has issues with me. I am no God to know everything on my own! SPEAK UP!
7. Plan his future with me, realistically. Do not sow seeds of dreams you have no intention of fulfilling. As a woman I do not want a man who prepares me for the worst when he plans his future with me. Nobody knows what the future holds, but you have no right to promise me - there will be bad times and only I have to compromise always. Why would I, dear man, marry to add drama to my life?!
8. Who notices or appreciates little things I do for him and not just counts the things he has done for me.
9. If I ask for basic things like privacy, a place to keep my stuff when I marry you and live in with you in a new house, etc. and if you feel I have asked you a part of your property and it's too much, you are not marriage-ready, dear man! Go, get a reality check!
10. Who will always have my back. Whenever I am there or not there - but a woman wants you to defend her honor when an xyz person speaks ill of her, be it your own people too. Never take a man who cannot stand up for you before his people or in public. Because chances are you may have to cry yourself to sleep in future. There is no point in being together when you both cannot support each other.
11. As a woman, I want a man, who knows that every person in his life has a different status and everyone's importance is different. One who gives you your place in his life, even when everyone is out there to snatch it from you out of insecurity - is worth the keep.
12. My ambitions should not threaten his manhood. A man who is man enough to support me shine in whatever I do and respect my family as his own; be supportive in household chores is a gem.
13. A man with no vision or direction will do no good to you, as he does no good to himself as well! So, a man with vision - a must!
14. Someone who is willing to listen. He doesn't necessarily have to agree with me, but just be there. If I can't open up to you about what I think, then who should I talk to? It isn't about being right or wrong - but about having "that conversation." Someone who talks "to me" and not "at me"!
15. Look for his actions, how consistent they are. His words will eventually have no value. He should put in as much efforts as you do. Or else there will be a mismatch of energies between you two.
16. Good men don't run, so never chase a man. Never convince a man your worth.
17. A man who is not judgmental. And who believes that I am strong today because of my past and present both beautifully woven together.
18. One who isn't an expert in playing 'blame games' but sits down and analyses what wrong (actions/in-actions) we both did that caused a few problems in the relationship. Nowadays people aren't really ready to accept that may be they are a part of the problem itself! The man who remembers he is in the same team as you are and if one loses, both lose.
19. Honesty and Transparency ~ Someone with whom I can be naked with - in my thoughts and he still won't hurt me. Because one secret to keep = thousand lies to hide it.
20. Someone who will be devoted to make things work, ALWAYS.
21. The kind of 'friends' he makes. Company tells a lot about a person.
22. His behavior with you, your family, his family, and people around him when he is angry. How he treats people inferior in status to him is a pointer of how he is!
23. One who won't make me regret for giving him my mind, body and soul.
24. You can never give a man enough who is willing to take everything from you. Some men are only takers. Even after giving them all you could they come always with their hands outstretched asking for more! Such men - a big no no!
The thing is even after you prepare a list of what you want and do not want, you'll still fall for the wrong men. Loving the wrong person will cost you everything. But it's okay! Don't take anything less than what you deserve.
I loved the book! Mr. Amari soul - you are from the same planet as women, trust me, because you understand them so well. :)